A brief update

Update

It has been more than a month since I last wrote my journal here. In fact, my quality of life has greatly improved after mid-June when the final exam started and I could finally enjoy some kind of leisure.

There were a few things I wanted to write about here but whenever I set my fingers on the keyboard, I was overcome by tiredness or distracted by TV. Maybe I had been living under backbreaking stress for too long that once when I was released from it, I acted like a loose rubber band after having stretched tight for too long--I can't get back in my shape again. I even feel blessed lazing my time away.

Today is the last school day before the summer vacation. I'm not wanted at the moment--not until an hour later when the graduation ceremony begins--so I decided to put my travel books and newsgroup chat aside and write my journal.

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The Pig

um... let me talk about the pig first--the one that I mentioned in my last entry. I think that pig is evolving into a human being...

About seven weeks ago, I received a series of emails allegedly sent by one of my Form one students harbouring a grudge against me. The emails were full of foul language and personal attacks. At the same time, I received some hate icq messages from a stranger who had tried to coax my personal information out of me before.

Obviously, that person was trying to provoke me into a verbal fight in cyberspace. At first, I felt discouraged and angry. But on second thought, I asked myself: why should I care about what other students say? I did think carefully about why that person had such a disgust for me but none of the possible reasons could remotely jusify his/her doings.

I wouldn't fall into the trap of course. Luckily I had a higher EQ than Zidane.

With some traces in the emails, I tracked down a trio of girls in 1A (which was supposed to be the brightest class in the form) who used their classmate's identity to send the hate emails and messages. They came clean about the whole thing (luckily they did so coz I could do nothing if they denied. After all, I didn't have any hard evidence to show).

I didn't tell the discipline teachers as I felt obliged to solve it by myself. I told them my feeling about the whole thing and asked them why they did so. They said it's just for fun. (Excuse me? Sending hate emails and speaking foul language is fun? No wonder some teenagers find killing fun. The new generation is getting sicker than ever.)

Anyway, the girls were very nice to me after I discovered they were behind all these--which made me a bit uncomfortable. One of them later emailed me (with her real identity shown this time) and talked about her primary school life with me--how her hatred towards teachers was nursed and how sorry she was after sending all those hate emails. She started to share her feelings and secrets about her class with me through the emails. She even sent me a message board which was frequently visited by her classmates and was filled with foul language.

After all, they are just young girls.

So now, she treats me as her friend. But to be frank, I still could not fully trust her. Not yet. It's hard to give and love a person who hurt you before as if you have never been hurt.

By the way, I should learn to keep a distance from my students. Sometimes I think I was too close to them that they think I'm one of them but in fact I'm not and I don't want to be.

Anyway, when I look back my teaching career one day, that would be something interesting--and maybe heart-warming--to talk about.

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The Vacation

I will leave for Hokkaido and start my first 15-day solo trip to Japan this Friday. I will spend 10 and a half days in Hokkaido and the last 4 and a half days in Toyko.

As the day is looming, I found myself having a funny feeling these days. I've got a mix of anxious, empty and excited feelings. By the way, though I have booked all the lodgings, I have not yet planned the details--how I can get from one place to another (I always feel confused when I look at the train/metro schedule), where I can visit... things like that. Somehow, I don't want to think about that.

Many people were surprised at my idea of having a solo trip (That's a bit out of my expectation coz I think many people travel alone). But I think it's another kind of travel experience. For me, travelling is a chance for personal growth. I'm looking forward to a more mature self after the trip :)

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To the readers of this blog:

Thanks for not giving this blog up.
Thanks for not giving me up.