I dream therefore I am

Dreaming formed an integral part of my life when I was young.

I still remember the numerous sleepless nights during when I felt imprisoned in the reality, my mind would whirl off into the distant future where I was somebody completely different. That was when I felt liberated and hopeful.

As time went by and the reality zoomed in, I came to compromise with the reality and took whatever I was offered. I seemed to have a choice but actually I felt like a taker rather than a maker of it. And my dream remains a dream.

I did the Psychology degree in CUHK though I wasn't sure that was what I wanted at the beginning. I could have chosen law or journalism or accounting which could give me a more promising career prospect. But somehow, I have to admit, I may have sort of followed the tide. But I didn't hate it anyway.

After that, I did PGDE. Those who have been reading my blog should know why I applied for it and accepted the offer. Again, being a teacher doesn't sound disgusting to me.

Upon graduation, I was offered an GM post from a secondary school towards which I don't have a strong opinion. I was given chance to teach up to F.7 and my contract is renewed one year after another.

Everything looks fine and smooth enough, though not perfect, to a mediocre girl like me. I'm not a risk-taker indeed and I learn to love my choice rather than choose what I love. I could have gone on with my life like this until the day I die.

But when I think of it, I feel scared.

After being in this field for nearly four years, I think it's time for me to seriously think about what I should do with my life. And after all these years having witnessed death and ex-colleagues leaving for their dreams, I'm willing to take risk. It may be a bit late but better late than never.

In fact, what I want to do is simple: I want to pursue my studies overseas. That's what I want to do since I was young.

By the time I finish my master degree, I will have taught in this school for five years and I think it's time for me to take a break and refresh myself. To be frank, I haven't got a concrete plan of what to do after studying overseas. Maybe I will teach again. Who knows. But at this moment, I'm quite determined I will quit next year and do what I have been dreaming of.

When I revealed my plan to my friends, they sort of think that I'm too implusive and should have planned more carefully. After all, I'm not young and it's getting more and more costly for me to start over again.

I have been thinking about that over and over again. I did feel hesitant at times but then I think I don't want to have any more regrets in my life.

I feel like being that little girl lost in thoughts in the dead of the night again except that this time, I'm going to make my dream come true.