Confession, again

Ok, I don't like camping, be it wild-camping or dormitory-camping, with friends or with students.

I hate packing and unpacking things.

I hate draining all those toiletries into little bottles for which I have to turn my home upside down to search. And I never know what to do with the leftover.

I prefer my bed, my pillow, my bathroom and my food (I've got a compulsion/ obsession to strictly follow my diet regime.) at home.

To be frank, I can see no point camping in Hong Kong while my home is just a no-more-than-2-hour bus journey away from the campsite and the town is just a stone's throw away. Well, yes, you can play different kinds of activities at one stop, but you don't have to stay overnight in order to play tennis or cycle there.

And the one thing I dislike most is, I have to wait ages for the bathroom. If you think a teacher can enjoy the privilege to use the bathroom first, you are completely wrong. When it comes to the bathroom, girls will never compromise. So as a teacher, I have to be the last one to use it. (I've another compulsion that I can't sleep without a shower especially after a whole day of moving-around.)

Waiting for the bathroom on Thursday night (I was on an English camp with my students for 3 days and 2 nights—a torture for me.), I browsed through my phone book to see whom I could have a chat with at eleven something at night. Not really for time-killing; in fact, I did feel desperate for the bathroom thing at that time (ok, call me stupid and childish, but I had been waiting for almost 2 hours and I was completely drained.).

I called a few and I could just reached two or three. Occupied though they were, I was glad that they still spared some time to talk with me.

I kept browsing the phone book in disappointment as I realized that there's no one to call anymore, not even those for a causal chat. I had a somewhat crestfallen air. It happened before: I didn't feel well and I felt like talking, but I couldn’t get anyone to talk to. (Not that I couldn't get through the line, I just couldn’t think of anyone.)

Despair conquered me and I passed a night of difficult sleep (after shower, of course).

I pondered on a few random thoughts as I dragged myself home in pouring rain the next day: Friends are about quality but not quantity. What happens if both quality and quantity don't work on me? Those who once got into my life left eventually. How many of them will stay? How many of you are still reading this blog? Who is the first one that pops up in my mind when I need support…

Once I got home, I took a shower and fell into a comma.

Everything on my mind faded and I could enjoy a peace of mind finally.

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以往我一直否認，但如今我不得不承認…

我太心軟，

所以…

我容易受騙，

而且…

我很眼淺。

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「算把啦。」

近日，不同人於不同的場合跟我說著同一句說話。

我執著嗎？

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收到舊同學的消息，一位曾教導我的中學老師離世。

人來人往。

只好歎息。