On destiny and choice

I'm not sure if it's because my life has been so far reasonably smooth or I've got a strong sense of destiny, I don't believe in a wrong choice. I mean, if there's a master plan for each one of us (though not a Christian version of master plan I'm referring to), there's not much room for free will and thus a wrong decision. I know it's irrational, coz somehow I do believe in free will as well (what's the point of living if we're just acting out what's prescribed). It's one of the irrationalities that lies within me that I don't want to challenge.

At one point, the sense of destiny pulls me through adversities and cushions my ego against failures. At another, I want to believe that I do choose my life to protect my dignity and superiority of having a free will. Afterall, I myself construct my own religion and I don't mind the contrast or imperfection embedded in it.

Like everyone else, sometimes I do ponder on the alternative track of life. I mean, the if-version of a parallel life. But deep down I know I don't believe in that: something is meant to happen; something isn't.

That's why human desicion-making can be a science - even making a choice between CocaCola and Pepsi at a supermarket involves complicated information processing activates different areas of the brain pre-wired with past experience and beliefs.

Very often, choices come as packages like those gift bags in a cosmetics shop, just that you can't buy each item separately at a higher price (all or nothing!) and that you can only buy one package. And a package choice is more difficult to make. You have to weigh the packages both item by item and as a whole. And when affection intertwines with aspiration and materials, it's even harder.

The stupid thing is, even though I don't believe in a wrong choice, I am afraid of making one. When I detach myself and view my life from a distance, I can see the plan. But now that I'm at the crossroads, the fear and frustration is so real.

There're both destiny and choice, and one leads to the other. Together they form an upward spiral of life.

At this moment I'm lingering at the crossroads, at the same time weighing packages and waiting for signs of a turning point.