Last week, I had a conversation with the speech pathologist regarding a young client with normal intelligence but suspected Autism.
Me: So how was the assessment? Any problems with his pragmatics?
Pathologist: Well, I did
TOPS on him and he has a lot of difficulty reading others’ emotions. When I asked him how the person in the picture would feel, he was clueless. However, if I placed him in the hypothetical situation and rephrased the question like: if YOU were the child in the picture, being very sick in bed, how would YOU feel? He managed to give me the appropriate answer.
Me: Seems that he has problems thinking from others’ perspectives and comprehending others’ emotional responses. How old should a child be expected to think that way?
Pathologist: The test is for children older than 6. So at least kids older than that should be able to understand how others feel in certain situations to certain extent. Kids younger than that should have developed some understanding of what others think and feel in a given context.
That young client was later diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder, given other assessment results and behavioural observation. To this group of people, comprehending social situations, understanding social cues and reading others’ emotions are particularly difficult and have to be taught.
We are born social beings. Nevertheless, while understanding others’ perspectives is innate to many, not everyone can quite refine that nature and advance it throughout their lifespan. I had a conversation with a good friend of mine who complained about not being understood by another friend of hers. What she said was strikingly similar to the conversation I had with the speech pathologist:
“(telling me how Friend#1 did not understand her feelings)… I was so angry that I called Friend#2 up and told her what happened. She was like: okay…um…right. She wasn’t seem to get my point, so I wracked my brain to think of a hypothetically similar situation to demonstrate how I felt, using her and her personal experience as an example. And all of a sudden she knew what I meant! She was so angry with Friend#1 too…"It seems that we stop developing our understanding towards others after we have reached the minimal level that gets us out of a label of Autism or other developmental delays. How much have we seemingly normal beings complained, or been complained, about not being understood?
There are different levels of understanding and here is my own categorization.
Level 1: Those who don’t even understand themselves or get in touch with their own feelings.
While it’s nature for us to laugh when we feel happy and weep when sad, those who fall into this category know they’re happy when they laugh and sad when they weep. Sometimes they may have problems comprehending their own feelings, let alone others', and mistake anger as misery for example. Their brains work like a mis-wired circuit.
Level 2: Those who live in their own cocoon of emotional world and do not realize that others may have a different emotional response than theirs.They aren't aware of others’ perspectives as they believe their own perception of the world is absolute truth. They don’t believe there exists another way of understanding because their own experience reigns. They can’t imagine another emotional territory.
Level 3: Those who are in touch with their own feelings and can put themselves into others’ shoes when it comes to similar situations.This group of people think introspectively and understand how an external stimulus triggers their own emotional response and thinking. They can empathize with those who have similar experience or background as theirs.
Level 4: Those who are in touch with their own feelings and can extend their own understanding beyond their own experience.This group of people are sensitive to their and others’ feelings. They have very strong imaginative skills and understanding that they can put themselves into others’ situation even though they have never experienced that before. Although they cannot completely understand others’ feelings towards a specific event, they respect them and empathize with others.
Level 1 is maladaptive while Level 4 is expected from a counsellor. As for me, I think I’m somewhere between Level 2 and Level 3 and trying to stay in the Level 3. I’m still developing my understanding as we all are. As the old saying goes: use it or lose it.
